I often find a lot of difficulty being in "myself" and I am always inside these thoughts I wade through, like this endless bramble where my breath is short and It's very difficult for me to feel like I am me. Especially alone.
I am not exactly sure how I would go about it, like my mind is always being attacked in a state where I feel as if I need to run away, and it makes even many simple things a huge task where I can't focus all too well. I have spent a lot of time in escape because it simply feels so scary to be present in any capacity, like there is barbed wire around my mind which keeps me from getting outside of this feeling. I get glimpses of it and can feel whole with myself for only short bursts. If I could just be this way more often, it would change everything about everything. My neck twitches as I type this, it's really torturous to feel because I am seldom actually calm.
I am not a negative person, nor do I feel like I'm going to feel like this forever or fail, I just am very lost. I don't really know how to get around it! I don't want to hide it with anything either, like I have before and other people do so often. I don't get it, I just really don't
I am just praying for a see-through and a hope for a looking-glass view out of such a messy train of thoughts all day. It's always "just get through this till you can sleep" That's terrible! and , I know it is. Breaks don't really help either. I swear Ive grinding my teeth and twitched my neck so much that I'll eventually be in some kind of horrid pain and that is also very scary. So something really needs to change. Maybe writing all this helps? I don't really know...
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