Today was very sleepy
Oh so very sleepy
SO sleepy that I don't have all too much to say!
But a yawn
And a hello!
There is much in my mind that says it's slow again and I couldn't do all too much, too many choices, not enough..., just sleepy!
I was told I did well climbing rocks.
And think I can keep trying things out...
I'll manage and I'll make it somehow!
Here is my terrible RE2 result screen XD
For an art class I attend, I had to create a self portrait painting. I was allowed to be abstract so...
I've never painted much, especially a finished piece! I am actually quite happy about how it turned out.
Below is some progress pictures
Concepts -
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| We went with this |
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| im sooo normal |
Progress -
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| Original Sketch (fancy!) |
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| Good Start |
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| ooo nice! different but... |
Today you get WILD and TOUGH and do all this crap and get it done and write a blog post instead and shower instead but THEN GET BACK TO IT WILD AND TOUGH. Find out how to make it happen and still get to drink coffee and watch all your favorite shows like 姫ちゃんのリボン while you do it yeah. Remember to keep it magical not frustration and it will be over and you can focus in the important interests. Let's watch a show lets make an art let's do the boring stuff as efficiently as possible. oh dear.
In the night, Friday, I had quite a bit to drink. Grabbing onto walls to pull myself up and feeling like I was wading through a whole different world. Peeing many times I walked into the bathroom, sitting down in the dark , which is pretty cozy and mindful really. Next time you get hammered try sitting on the toilet in silence it's very reflective. Looking into the truly shaded part where the tub was, I felt like there was something right in that little cloud of darkness. I bowed as I stood up, and said hello! In the shower today as I closed my eyes my razor tossed into the tub in an impossible way from the side. Did they say hello back? Not sure but I'd hope they want to be friends I laughed a lot and stumbled more it was really nice. Next thing to shoot for, the future I'm aiming at! And more canned fish. I'll chew the bones tonight! Most certainly.
I know of this exercise, which can exorcise some hurt, and it lies in thoughts of what ties you to everything.
It's everything you love and what you hold dear, and if you could you'd shine a little for each little piece of coral it sprouts from your head.
For me, I think first of drawin', and little sketches of whatever I come to imagine,
And all the socks I wear that are never matchin'
Of dark roast coffee which is bitter in your mouth
and the jokes I tell which end uncouth
From sheeps and angels - to games with cords tangled
Candles and Coral and a Capable hand
I want them to last.
When I come a rocking and I can't help but cry
I remember I always have I
No affection or coat string to hold
"It'll come" is what I was told.
Set to the other side, I don't know if I can wait, a little whine and cantillate.
I do think much is in fate, and It's all happened before, I want to think about all the little things like the dark chocolates and sweet thoughts, and morning dew and lambs ear plants, laughs, language, laying around, and like-wise thoughts. and then the story.
All the deep things, I know it's all in some sort of collective of our unconscious which flows under all of us I love all the melancholy and smiles that connect every single one of us.
I love that reach into the darkness which comes out with something you couldn't put a reason to but shines: crosses all of us anyway
That little coral soul I know it waits to grow.
I love it! 大マジ！
魂の輝く
It is the coral we hold. All colors.
I often find a lot of difficulty being in "myself" and I am always inside these thoughts I wade through, like this endless bramble where my breath is short and It's very difficult for me to feel like I am me. Especially alone.
I am not exactly sure how I would go about it, like my mind is always being attacked in a state where I feel as if I need to run away, and it makes even many simple things a huge task where I can't focus all too well. I have spent a lot of time in escape because it simply feels so scary to be present in any capacity, like there is barbed wire around my mind which keeps me from getting outside of this feeling. I get glimpses of it and can feel whole with myself for only short bursts. If I could just be this way more often, it would change everything about everything. My neck twitches as I type this, it's really torturous to feel because I am seldom actually calm.
I am not a negative person, nor do I feel like I'm going to feel like this forever or fail, I just am very lost. I don't really know how to get around it! I don't want to hide it with anything either, like I have before and other people do so often. I don't get it, I just really don't
I am just praying for a see-through and a hope for a looking-glass view out of such a messy train of thoughts all day. It's always "just get through this till you can sleep" That's terrible! and , I know it is. Breaks don't really help either. I swear Ive grinding my teeth and twitched my neck so much that I'll eventually be in some kind of horrid pain and that is also very scary. So something really needs to change. Maybe writing all this helps? I don't really know...
Salutations.
Today I woke up in a brand new state that previous. I shot up before the bus came and got ready, rode along and thought about moving on. You know there is a lot that happens but right now it is happening. So one day, today, I will focus on until tomorrow exists, because it doesn't, only a day at a time does and only my own view I can reach out through in order to connect, not behind my eyes but in them.
I am working to achieve the CORALSOULSCAPE and combined view and awareness of what runs under. I must spread it out further into more than just anxiety.
I enjoyed the walking today, it ends so quick because my mind is on so much, that it feels like I am just riding along by on my own two feet, until I can get home and have oatmeal and peanut butter and coffee and all those wonderful things I like.
I feel the happy be forming inside like a baby chick in a little egg. It's cute to think about right? something like that. Something like a cuteness that makes you realize it's never really a big deal when you can smile big like that! Most certainly.
I have a new place for the sheep lamp. Angels too.
Divine Angels and sheep.
Say a little prayer I work things out! But just for today... :D Tomorrow the other prayers can show up when they are needed be.
I thought this unused song from NGE fit, so I made this a bit ago.
